i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
