Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
