Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
