It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
