Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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