Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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