she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
