Where is the hickey?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this will be a night to untag.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
