Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
