ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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