I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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