I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
