i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
