Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
