And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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