He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
