no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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