I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
