I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral