You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
