i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
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I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1