Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am