He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround