I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
