All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
