Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
