Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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