I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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