tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
