Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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