This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
