my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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