Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize