You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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