I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
