it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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