We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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