Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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