Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
