Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
