the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
