so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
