Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
