So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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