haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
