I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm too high and old for this...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
