Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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