Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
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I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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