Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
