she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
