One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
