ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
