In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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