Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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