Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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