im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
