I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
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Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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