Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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