I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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