Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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