When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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