her facebook's as public as her vagina
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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