Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
