nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
