Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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