What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
