She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
