You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
