How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
