That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
