fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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