After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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