Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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