i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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