come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
