life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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