As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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